i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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