The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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