Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
