Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
