How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
