I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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