he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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