Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
