its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
