I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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