hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Found the puke drawer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
