You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
