clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so much tequila, so little girl.