you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.