I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
