I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
