I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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