If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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