I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
