I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
