eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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