When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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