I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
