dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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