look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
