we made out on top of his cat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
