if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
