I wish I could teleport
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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