I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
