It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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