Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
