I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
