why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
