Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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