He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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