I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
