i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
