Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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