if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
