before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
