he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
