Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
