So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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