this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
