filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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