She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
