He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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