you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
