i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize