Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
