Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Less talking, more tequila
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
