My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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