Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
