Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
