And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
