You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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