We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
