I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
