suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
