i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So much rum. So many feels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
